Where are you?

Where are you rain?
Where have you gone?

Come wash away the pain,

I feel so used up and worn,

Where are you rain?

I feel you're getting further away,

Without you my strength starts to wane,
My strength falters with each passing day,

Where are you rain?

I miss your cold embrace,

Seems like you have everything to gain,
Seems like I am always fighting for a place,

Where are you rain?

I barely hear from you these days,
You kept your distance again,

I only feel the sun's hot scorching rays,

Where are you rain?

Your absence is a sad sight,

Trying my able best to stay sane,

Barely able to sleep at night.

Losing a friend to cancer…

I used to not give any credit to friends for adding some color into my life. Back then to me, friends are just people you tend to get to know from time to time, who coincidentally at that time had something similar to you. They come and go with the wind, although some do stay around for years at a time. If I didn’t meet them for long periods of time, like everything else, they fade away from my memory as all things do. However I did have a friend few years back who holds a special place in my memory until today, and looking back, she was possibly one of my first few real friends that I made back then.

She was the same age as me, and although I was a grade higher since I started school a year earlier, we got to know each other and exchanged common pleasantries occasionally when we cross each other’s path around school. She had her own circle of friends, while I had few close friends of my own who had no correlation at all with each other. I guess the only reason we knew each other was because she was involved in the same curriculum activities as me. When I left high school, we kept in touch with occasional greetings and exchanges over the internet. It was not long after that when we learned that she was diagnosed with cancer.

Out of all her friends, only a handful constantly kept in touch in an attempt to keep her courage up, to keep fighting the cancer and living. She dropped out of school for a year as she sought medical treatment. She lost weight, her usual radiance, even her right leg as it was removed in an attempt to reduce the spread of cancer. She was subjugated to all kinds of tests and treatments, including chemotherapy and radiotherapy. Being far away pursuing my studies, I kept my correspondence with her and through that I felt her pain, her anguish, and her diminishing strength as time goes on. Feeling slightly better after a year of treatment, she decided to resume her studies to finish off high school with the support of her family and friends.

I helped when I was able to, passing my high school notes and sometimes small one-to-one lessons on subjects or chapters that she was weak at. We spent simple time together, shared stories, laughed and made fun of each other. I was ashamed to admit that there were times where she was helping me more than I was helping her. She helped me grow as a person, while I am only able to lend what courage, strength and solace I had to offer. We kept constant contact as I resumed my studies in a different state.

One day her test results came back and the doctors said she was terminal. Everyone was devastated by the news. Being the bright and brave girl she always was, she called her close friends for an outing that may seem like the last one she might ever have. Being so far away, I could only cheer her on and try to make it back to visit her as soon as possible. Time was not on my side as a phone message that was meant for her was replied by her brother saying that she has gone into a coma and was rushed to the hospital that morning. Despite our grief and constant praying for my dearest friend, she passed on that very evening. It is to this day that I live with the regret of not being able to meet her one last time before she departed from this world.

Since then I tried to adopt her cheerful predisposition and attitude. I tried to look at things differently than I used to, changing for what I hope to be the best. I try my upmost to lend a hand and be there for my friends who seem truthful and friends who are in need of help. I now live my life now with the positive outlook in memory of my dear friend that I lost to cancer. 

It has been 6 years since I last heard from you...
You live on in our memories Sharon Lee Shu Wen. 

FantasiZer here...
Woke up today remembering the things and times we shared...
it's been 5 years, missing you and remembering the last few things we talked about.
it has been so long, that I kind of forgot how your voice sounds like when we talked, but the memory is as vivid as ever...
living my life in memory of your strong will to go on...
already starting in my 5th year in medicine , can you believe that?

Reading up about cancer almost always reminds me of you, and I regret not being able to see you one last time...

You are always remembered Shironu...

Rest in peace Sharon...

http://fantasizerx.blogspot.com/2008/02/lost-for-words.html

Spending money

Hie guyZ~

Me ish broke at the moment.
Not to say that I have no money at all, lol no, but, let's say that I have things to pay off every month before I can actually spend on myself... Obligations like the monthly rent, internet and phone bills, utility bills, grocery... stuffs like that...

It was someone burfday a few days ago, someone special to me.
For as long as I can remember, burfdays seemed to hold no special meaning to me.
Those days were like any other days, just plain and simple.
Since last year, burfdays seems as bleak as dull as usual, but with that special someone, you tend to hope you are able to spend that entire day with them and hope it never ends.
That someone that you'd do things simply just to make them happy.

I know I promised to blog more often with proper pics, but this lonely feelings and depression don't seem to be very inspiring at the moment, so I will spare my blog readers (if I still have any) of such details.
The next 2 weeks or so will be extremely depressing and lonely, for multiple reasons... All of which I will have to deal with myself and make sure I don't binge eat out of depression and gain back my fitness and shape.

That's all for now, piece~

Doing what we can in these hard times~

Hey guyZ~

Been meaning to get back to blogging but was back at home over the last weekend for a long 4 day break due to Monday and Friday being declared a holiday ^^
Chose to go home as I didn't want to disturb someone dear to me from preparing herself for her end-term test which takes place this very week.
It was for the best, and since I won't be going home for the great chinese new year 1 week break, I thought I should spend this short time back at home instead...
Well, I really hope it was for the best....

We all want to be there for those we love, especially when life seems to be excessively tough on them.
Believe me when I say, it is HEART breaking, and especially heart wrenching when there is little, if not nothing that you can do for them, but just being there and consoling them...
Keeping them company instead of abandoning them...
Consoling them instead of berating them...
Being there for them, even though you are far away...

It's one of the few things why people want a relationship, even when their ex treated them so badly...
The reason why people tend to blindly have faith for a mere glimpse or shimmer of hope that that person may very well be the one..
The reason why people choose to connect to one another, which is simple enough to understand and even simpler to abuse and misuse...

Gosh look at the time...
I have clinical session at the paeds clinic with a specialist in 25 minutes and here I am still at home...
brb when I can~

Piece~

Can't remember~

I can't remember the time I couldn't care less,
Even though it annoyed me more than I'd confess,
Those times where I would numbly run,
Drowning my sorrow, tired under the sun,

I seem to recall how indifferent I felt,
All that mattered was the bulge at my belt,
Then with difficulty I started to mingle,
Although I was perfectly fine being single,

More often than naught I would run away,
For I was happy just spending time by myself,
I couldn't care less what others would say,
Their opinions collecting dust on the top of my shelf,

When someone starts to matter, a trend I would see,
No matter how compromising I would try to be,
They would drift away, slowly but sure,
Being made used of, intentions no longer pure,

Now I start to doubt what I feel,
For if I mattered it would not be this way,
They act as if it is not a big deal,
I think too much apparently, frequently they would say,

For actions speaks louder than words,
Thus I think that I matter only so much,
Such thoughts must be seasonal as the migrating birds,
Diminished are the times I am treated as such,

With this usually things come to an end,
For there is really nothing to mend,
Being taken for granted and neglect is time's corrosion,
Sunk deep beyond salvation into the depths of the ocean.

Happy new year 2014

Well hello there everyone, it is the new year and I am socially bound to wish everyone a happy new year ^^
May you have better luck carrying out your new year resolutions this year, hehe
and on a more serious note, may what ever endeavors you embark on this year be successful and beneficial to you~

and may it bring you closer to your loved ones...

As for me... it brought me closer to ice cream XD

Baskin Robbins Cookies and cream as well as Love Potion... Sweet goodness...

Happy new year people~
Piece~

People who don't deserve it~

Hie there~
After a 6-7 hour journey up north driving in the car, you tend to start thinking on things that make you a bit more... let's say... sentimental...
Lately I have been treated in such a way that I realize that people no longer give that appreciation when someone sticks around in another's time of need.
Come on let's face it, name any situation...
Needing a shoulder to cry on when one breaks up in a relationship,
Needing a friend to come along in the middle of nowhere because one's car broke down,

Needing a familiar face to help when one gets involved in a car accident and is at loss on what to do next,
Needing a lift to the bus station as one is unable to reserve or book a taxi to send one to the bus stop in time,
Needing a friend to just simply lend an ear where one can just rant and talk away all their problems without the faintest doubt that none of it will be regurgitated back to a 3rd party...

All of this... totally gone these days~
I saw this today and it kinda reminded me on my thoughts earlier this morning...

Right?
Why should I care if I am no longer needed?
I shouldn't stick around if I am clearly not wanted or remembered yes?
but then again, here lies the dilemma...
What if the person wants you around but then again has other commitments to worry about as well?

Wait....

Shouldn't I matter enough that the person be worried and concerned about me?

Thus people, this is in the end and invalid topic after all...
There are no alternatives, for it just shows if one matter, or none at all...

Piece~

An outlet...

Hie there~
It's lil ol me again after quite some time I might add...
I guess I needed an outlet again, since I no longer have another place to vent out, I'll just start back my blogging and typing since it is something I can do at any time without the expense of anyone else's time, so yea.... here goes...

I guess being too available for another without expecting anything in return can take a toll on a person after awhile.
I mean, everyone want to be given attention, taken cared of and being loved~
I guess that is the only reason why people crave familial bonds, companionship... sometimes even a simple fleeting contact with a passing stranger would suffice~
A simple act of being ignored or being left alone can be interpreted as abandonment and even as a sign of neglect.... even if it was unintended as one is being busy, or if they were unreachable throughout the day~
But then again, when one matters, they would take the extra mile to get to find out how you fared that day... or have you eaten lunch? or just simply how your day was?
Wouldn't they not?

When they were not eating right, you would be worried sick~
When they didn't answer your calls, you think the worst case scenario and instead of blaming them, you get ready to speed to their side~
When they needed your help and support, you would reschedule all your plans just to be there for that person~
When they wanted to go somewhere, you would try to make it possible if it was within your power to do so~

AND WHY?

Just to see that other person happy, even at the expense of your own...
Selfless acts?
The way I see it, it is more like acts of self degradation.
and to what end?
to what purpose?
The small resentment when there is no appreciation, being late, no return calls, just builds and builds up like a dam and only 2 things can happen...
Either the dam breaks and everything breaks loose and you flood the whole valley,
or your dam gets corroded from all that exposure and you just... cease to function anymore... a useless dam which gets forgotten with time~

Didn't they always say that when a person gets neglected, another person can take their place?
News flash to girls, it happens to guys too ok?
So never leave a friend of someone special feeling neglected...
It takes a heavy toll on that person...
Believe me....
I know...

Can't bring myself to continue typing, I have a 550km journey up north to drive.
*fingers crossed* hope the traffic tomorrow will be good...

Piece~

Wind Chimes in a Bakery

hey people ^^

It has been awhile since I randomly watched clips from youtube.

Lately this particular short clip caught my eye

Apparent with the launch of Samsung GALAXY S4, Samsung has made a short series featuring the S4 on multiple occasions...

At first, I thought what kind of short series can be made revolving around a phone?

Apparently it's just that the phone itself if being featured, but the story itself is kinda touching..
Found myself watching the first 4 episodes which has been featured up to date, and can't wait for the next episode to be out~

I shamefully admit that I don't tear up much often, but I just welled up in the last episode...

Maybe because I can't imagine losing someone that dear to you.

Imagining it just... well breaks me down pretty low...

SO, regardless about me eheks *wipes tears* below is a short annotation on what I googled up about the series~

Wind Chimes in a Bakery is a Korean-inspired love story brought to life by Samsung's flagship, the Samsung GALAXY S4. Designed with unique lifestyle features, the GALAXY S4 is built to be the perfect Life Companion. "Samsung is committed to create new moments of discoveries for its consumers, whether through our products or initiatives such as Wind Chimes in a Bakery," said Vincent Chong, Head of Mobile Phone Division, Samsung Malaysia Electronics.

To create meaningful moments that resonate with Malaysians, Samsung collaborated with Korean director, Jang Jae Hyeok to give this local production a Korean touch. Jang was very excited to be involved in the project - "I was drawn to the script of Wind Chimes in a Bakery as I am passionate about stories that inspire possibilities. I believe that love evokes the strongest and purest emotions in audiences. I felt a strong calling to push the boundaries of Korean drama for all Malaysians"

Wind Chimes in a Bakery's first episode went live on Samsung Malaysia's YouTube channel on 20 July 2013 (Saturday). The remaining episodes will go live on the following dates:

Can't wait for the next one out day after tomorrow~
Will try to be a bit more active in blogging and taking more pics to be posted...
It's bee awhile since I posted real pics, not like those people who google up images that are related to their post and uploading them up... *hand up, guilty XD*

Piece

Feeling alienated~

Hi people..
Being home after 2 months of hell-ish experience due to exams may seem like a breather...
but here I am kind of wishing I was back on campus, just doing my own things and going where ever I wanted and spending my time with whoever I wanted...
Being back at home, I have to compromise, and that seems to be heavy shackles to me since most of my time at campus, no one tells me how I should spend my time otherwise, other than me knowing my obligation is to study, study and study...

Now that I am done with my studies, with the prospect of getting pass to year 5 of my MBBS, I should be celebrating out there...
With friends,
With those special to me,
Especially with my family...
But how can I feel that way when I am trapped and confined to my house with no room for freedom without having every action I do to be scrutinized if it is appropriate or not.
I want to drive out of the house, meet up with friends~
I wanna just go to the park when there is a nice weather up and about, and just enjoy it, even though we would work out a sweat just by standing outside there for other good purpose other than to keep each other company...
I wanna go window-shopping for no good reason, other than to ogle and admire clothes that I know I can't afford at the moment...
I wanna go watch movies with someone who shares my interest and does not think movies as a waste of time and money...

Maybe I have been away from home a bit too long...
Freedom has made me explored the vast world and now I fret when I am to return to the nest~
When I am at home, I do love my family, but I have to say, everyone is so different now that I feel like I have been missing out on a lot of stuff that just makes me feel even more of a stranger than at home...
What happened to the strict upbringing that was instilled into me?
Why is my brother allowed such leniency?
Why are they allowed to get away with murder, while I get judged for sharing everything with my parents...

I feel like a stranger at home now...
I am bound by the rules of the household that appears to me my cage, which I walked into willingly and without a second thought...

I'm tired, so I'm going to go nap awhile~

Piece~