There were times that the only thing clouding my mind would be what fun things I would do today, or wondering what you would eat for lunch and dinner~
Those days seem like a distant memory now...
You get up with a cold sinking feeling that today will probably be the same thing again, that the phone will not ring or the tablet will just stay quiet~
*sigh*
You grudgingly drag yourself out of bed, might as well since you have been dozing in and out throughout the morning.
*looks at the clock*
Aaah, its already 10 minutes to noon, but in this state how in the world can someone make lunch?
You set yourself down in front of your laptop and prepare yourself to munch away on comfort food like kitkat and an entire bag of chips just to make yourself feel somewhat better~
But then again, you stop yourself under the pretext that you made a promise to yourself earlier tat week that you would at least TRY to eat healthily, appropriately and that exercise would follow that diet every 2 days or so~
While absent-mindedly downloading series that you follow while your thought still swirl around the memories you have of that person.
The tab makes a quiet sound and you jump at it, only to be disappointed as always...
The day drones on, and you don't know what to do...
Maybe all those tired days during the weekdays were actually preoccupying your time so much that you didn't really had the time to feel this way, and now that the much celebrated weekend has arrive, you realized that now you dread the weekends even more than ever.
*looks around*
Everyone else had something to do, somewhere to go, someone to see, but you are tied down with the effort to not spend your money drastically as you have nothing, even no one to spend your money with.
You scroll around the movies being shown that day, but hey, you realized you have already watched most of the movies worth watching when you consoled yourself last week when you realized you were going to be alone for at least 2 weeks, maybe even more~
*walks to the kitchen*
You realize that regardless of everything you do in your power, the house will always be messy.
That realization dawned on you just recently after almost 6 months of staying with your housemate
You walk into the kitchen to see kitchen utensils uncleaned and plates piled up in the sink.
With a glance, you smirk and open the fridge to only see that it has been filled to the brim too, and your stuff gets pushed around to make space for things that are not yours.
Heck, all those things IN the fridge should be finished first BEFORE jamming in new stuffs~!
*slams the fridge door*
Then you hear that ever so faint notification from the tab from that special person.
You run to the room like a 100m dash, feeling that even Usain Bolt could not have bested you.
The tab flickers to life and before you know you grin idiotically replying the messages~
and quite suddenly you are left hanging...
waiting...
disappointed yet again~
*stomach grumbles*
You realized all the excitement and waiting just made you forgot about the fact that you were looking for something to eat.
Resigning to the fact that you dread going back into the kitchen, you start munching on a bar of kitkat and started tearing up the bag of chips you were so desperately trying to stay away from this morning in an effort to drown away the hunger and disappointment you are experiencing now...
The tab feebly makes a sound again but by now, you're already resigned to the fact it might always be this way~
You reply and when the messages end abruptly, you shrug and doze off on the bed, consoled by the bag of chips and that bar of kitkat you ate earlier.
You knew and yet you choose to keep doing this...
Is this worth it?
Are you not worth something?
Maybe not....
You know you've went through this... albeit differently, but don't deny it~
