Too tired to do anything~

How is it possible that regardless of how much I try to forget how much pain I have endured for the past 6 months, it just keeps coming back?

How is it possible that what was there just died off with a single message?

What was I thinking all those years...


There was a time.. (still do actually) that I used to thing think that happiness if a finite thing.

The theory I had was, is that a person is only allowed to be happy only so much in his/her life.
Maybe they would be having happy childhood, before something happened later on.
Or maybe that person suffered at the hands of the lamentable daily chore we called 'homework' before getting happier with the results achieved and moving on to become a successful person in working life?

An interesting thing to note here, is that this theory applied to EVERYTHING that we see, hear and experience in our daily lives.
As such, you can see here where my dilemma lies, as if this particular 'rule' applies to EVERYTHING, if will happen to me sooner or later~

I was happy for the past 6 years, truly it was a miracle~
That I cruised through my MBBS with not repeating a year, despite my mediocre knowledge, skill and attitude.
I made it through my HOship without experiencing any major hickups and made it possible for me to stand on my own 2 feet without depending on anyone.
I thought my life was getting somewhere now that I have the means to actually do something, especially financially and time wise, since I am finally a medical officer....


and yet...


I feel empty...
I no longer feel what if feels like to feel accomplished anymore.
To be happy just to get that one text message.
I no longer bother meeting people, for fear of rejection and abandonment.
Although I have stayed back those 2 years, in the end I was just taken for a ride and before I know it, it was over just like that~
Who am I to go around bothering people, when I have no longer the right to be happy over such things again?

I feel like I have run out of this finite thing we call 'happiness'?

What is it to be friends?

I just spend some time watching this simple movie~
Granted its not everyone's cup of tea, but the main purpose of the movie is simple enough

A simple question was asked throughout the movie on which the main character constantly ponders...
"Is there a special criteria needed to being friends?"
"What does it mean to be a friend?"
Well.. along those lines (paraphrasing here okaay? toe-may-toe / toe-mah-toe, same thing~)
and yet, he just trudges along and somehow everything got to be okay.
How so?
He chooses to face everyone and own up to his mistakes that he has done in the past.

but then again, the main character has the privilege of having done something wrong to reflect on~

and here I am still pondering why my careful considerations and actions are taken as 'insignificant' and cast aside as 'fear of the unknown' overturns a person's better judgement~

but then again, I am not the main character....

never have been...


never will be~

Piece~