People who don't deserve it~

Hie there~
After a 6-7 hour journey up north driving in the car, you tend to start thinking on things that make you a bit more... let's say... sentimental...
Lately I have been treated in such a way that I realize that people no longer give that appreciation when someone sticks around in another's time of need.
Come on let's face it, name any situation...
Needing a shoulder to cry on when one breaks up in a relationship,
Needing a friend to come along in the middle of nowhere because one's car broke down,

Needing a familiar face to help when one gets involved in a car accident and is at loss on what to do next,
Needing a lift to the bus station as one is unable to reserve or book a taxi to send one to the bus stop in time,
Needing a friend to just simply lend an ear where one can just rant and talk away all their problems without the faintest doubt that none of it will be regurgitated back to a 3rd party...

All of this... totally gone these days~
I saw this today and it kinda reminded me on my thoughts earlier this morning...

Right?
Why should I care if I am no longer needed?
I shouldn't stick around if I am clearly not wanted or remembered yes?
but then again, here lies the dilemma...
What if the person wants you around but then again has other commitments to worry about as well?

Wait....

Shouldn't I matter enough that the person be worried and concerned about me?

Thus people, this is in the end and invalid topic after all...
There are no alternatives, for it just shows if one matter, or none at all...

Piece~

An outlet...

Hie there~
It's lil ol me again after quite some time I might add...
I guess I needed an outlet again, since I no longer have another place to vent out, I'll just start back my blogging and typing since it is something I can do at any time without the expense of anyone else's time, so yea.... here goes...

I guess being too available for another without expecting anything in return can take a toll on a person after awhile.
I mean, everyone want to be given attention, taken cared of and being loved~
I guess that is the only reason why people crave familial bonds, companionship... sometimes even a simple fleeting contact with a passing stranger would suffice~
A simple act of being ignored or being left alone can be interpreted as abandonment and even as a sign of neglect.... even if it was unintended as one is being busy, or if they were unreachable throughout the day~
But then again, when one matters, they would take the extra mile to get to find out how you fared that day... or have you eaten lunch? or just simply how your day was?
Wouldn't they not?

When they were not eating right, you would be worried sick~
When they didn't answer your calls, you think the worst case scenario and instead of blaming them, you get ready to speed to their side~
When they needed your help and support, you would reschedule all your plans just to be there for that person~
When they wanted to go somewhere, you would try to make it possible if it was within your power to do so~

AND WHY?

Just to see that other person happy, even at the expense of your own...
Selfless acts?
The way I see it, it is more like acts of self degradation.
and to what end?
to what purpose?
The small resentment when there is no appreciation, being late, no return calls, just builds and builds up like a dam and only 2 things can happen...
Either the dam breaks and everything breaks loose and you flood the whole valley,
or your dam gets corroded from all that exposure and you just... cease to function anymore... a useless dam which gets forgotten with time~

Didn't they always say that when a person gets neglected, another person can take their place?
News flash to girls, it happens to guys too ok?
So never leave a friend of someone special feeling neglected...
It takes a heavy toll on that person...
Believe me....
I know...

Can't bring myself to continue typing, I have a 550km journey up north to drive.
*fingers crossed* hope the traffic tomorrow will be good...

Piece~

Wind Chimes in a Bakery

hey people ^^

It has been awhile since I randomly watched clips from youtube.

Lately this particular short clip caught my eye

Apparent with the launch of Samsung GALAXY S4, Samsung has made a short series featuring the S4 on multiple occasions...

At first, I thought what kind of short series can be made revolving around a phone?

Apparently it's just that the phone itself if being featured, but the story itself is kinda touching..
Found myself watching the first 4 episodes which has been featured up to date, and can't wait for the next episode to be out~

I shamefully admit that I don't tear up much often, but I just welled up in the last episode...

Maybe because I can't imagine losing someone that dear to you.

Imagining it just... well breaks me down pretty low...

SO, regardless about me eheks *wipes tears* below is a short annotation on what I googled up about the series~

Wind Chimes in a Bakery is a Korean-inspired love story brought to life by Samsung's flagship, the Samsung GALAXY S4. Designed with unique lifestyle features, the GALAXY S4 is built to be the perfect Life Companion. "Samsung is committed to create new moments of discoveries for its consumers, whether through our products or initiatives such as Wind Chimes in a Bakery," said Vincent Chong, Head of Mobile Phone Division, Samsung Malaysia Electronics.

To create meaningful moments that resonate with Malaysians, Samsung collaborated with Korean director, Jang Jae Hyeok to give this local production a Korean touch. Jang was very excited to be involved in the project - "I was drawn to the script of Wind Chimes in a Bakery as I am passionate about stories that inspire possibilities. I believe that love evokes the strongest and purest emotions in audiences. I felt a strong calling to push the boundaries of Korean drama for all Malaysians"

Wind Chimes in a Bakery's first episode went live on Samsung Malaysia's YouTube channel on 20 July 2013 (Saturday). The remaining episodes will go live on the following dates:

Can't wait for the next one out day after tomorrow~
Will try to be a bit more active in blogging and taking more pics to be posted...
It's bee awhile since I posted real pics, not like those people who google up images that are related to their post and uploading them up... *hand up, guilty XD*

Piece

Feeling alienated~

Hi people..
Being home after 2 months of hell-ish experience due to exams may seem like a breather...
but here I am kind of wishing I was back on campus, just doing my own things and going where ever I wanted and spending my time with whoever I wanted...
Being back at home, I have to compromise, and that seems to be heavy shackles to me since most of my time at campus, no one tells me how I should spend my time otherwise, other than me knowing my obligation is to study, study and study...

Now that I am done with my studies, with the prospect of getting pass to year 5 of my MBBS, I should be celebrating out there...
With friends,
With those special to me,
Especially with my family...
But how can I feel that way when I am trapped and confined to my house with no room for freedom without having every action I do to be scrutinized if it is appropriate or not.
I want to drive out of the house, meet up with friends~
I wanna just go to the park when there is a nice weather up and about, and just enjoy it, even though we would work out a sweat just by standing outside there for other good purpose other than to keep each other company...
I wanna go window-shopping for no good reason, other than to ogle and admire clothes that I know I can't afford at the moment...
I wanna go watch movies with someone who shares my interest and does not think movies as a waste of time and money...

Maybe I have been away from home a bit too long...
Freedom has made me explored the vast world and now I fret when I am to return to the nest~
When I am at home, I do love my family, but I have to say, everyone is so different now that I feel like I have been missing out on a lot of stuff that just makes me feel even more of a stranger than at home...
What happened to the strict upbringing that was instilled into me?
Why is my brother allowed such leniency?
Why are they allowed to get away with murder, while I get judged for sharing everything with my parents...

I feel like a stranger at home now...
I am bound by the rules of the household that appears to me my cage, which I walked into willingly and without a second thought...

I'm tired, so I'm going to go nap awhile~

Piece~

Simple things that count~

Things haven't been going as planned recently...
but then again, I guess I have come to the conclusion that pretty much everything is never under our control, so we have to constantly improvise and keep up with  what is happening around us to fit it...

So hey guyZ, hope things are going well at the moment?
Week after next week would be the start of my finals for year 4, and still I have yet to start on full gear for my revision..
Well, it's not like I have been totally stagnant, I have been reading bits of here and there at the moment, whatever tickled my fancy...
but I really have to get myself started as soon as possible...
maybe it's because i have other things occupying my mind at the moment~

Yesterday was my first long run after quite some time...
My pedometer on my hand phone clocked a 5+km in 35 minutes and coupled with 60 leg raises and 60 push ups, can't say I was in the fittest state but it felt good to break a sweat and not think of anything but rather concentrating on how far more can I run, or completing the next rep to complete the set...

No....


The moment I stopped running, my worries and fears come back to me...
Things that I worry about come rushing back to the front of my mind, as it the momentum of my run was keeping it at the back of my head, and now that I have stopped, there is nothing holding it back from resurfacing and reoccupying my thoughts.
If only I can just keep running... until I could no longer run or at least be able to outrun my fears...

But then there are somethings that you care about...
There are things that no matter how much you'd try to block them out, they remain in place, as if carved in stone and no matter what you do, it will forever be there, ever present...
What are those things you ask?

About those you care about..
About those you worry about...
About that small statement that someone close to you mentioned carelessly...
About that person who has been there for you...
About your family...
About your brothers and sisters...
About being there for someone special to you...
About keeping a promise...
About being dependable to those dear to you...

and the list goes on...

They say a person's true character and feelings will only show when they are at their weakest point, or when they feel that they no longer have a choice and they have to make a desperate choice...
What would they choose?
What would they do?

I fear that question every time my subconscious asks me that...
After all... who am I?

Piece~

What has been happening lately?

Hey people ^^ 

Wondering what's with the getup? it's just me wearing a set of floral clothes I bought back from Langkawi awhile back lol

Funnily enough, many people were amused by the fact I actually took the time to wear the matching set and wear it down to dinner no less...

*shrugs* owh well, what's the point of looking awesome if no one is able to appreciate it right? lol~

As the title per se, my classes are over for now, and the final year assessment will be underway in 2 weeks time... lots a time to study, and lotsa things to read too, T.T

Hopefully this year I am able to pass it without sitting for any viva or supple papers...

and look forward to a 6 week holiday when my finals are over before the start of 5th year (IF i GET into 5th year to begin with... Hey, one has to be realistic no?)

Alot of things to take in this past few weeks...

Knowing those who are actually there for me

Knowing that there are those who are mercilessly calculative that should you be unable to pay back what they seem as a debt, they will without fail, get it from you in the end...

Heck if I was like that, I would be a millionaire since I should be able to pull in favors and what not from many acquaintances out there...

Why the use of the word acquaintances?

Aaaaah for those who don't know, acquaintance is the term I use personally to describe hi-bye friends, who just stick around you for the perks and benefits, and disappear when there is nothing left for them...

90% of who we know these days are hi-bye friends, even if we would not like to admit it, but it is true.

Then again, the subject for debating such a topic will be left to another post in the near future ^^

Gives me something to write up on eh?

The haze up north here is somewhat tolerable I guess...

Doesn't mean I won't think twice when I decide to go jogging outside in the morning or evenings.

I'd still rather coup in my room, and not going out to enjoy myself .

I mean, let's face it, we can't really go enjoy ourselves when we have those that matter to us dearly sitting for exams and being moody all the time no?

Imagine if you will, your best friend going through a tough time.

Even though you have just finished your exams and ought to be celebrating, there's just a part of you that says 'NO, you don't deserve to be a friend if you just go off celebrating while ending up bragging about the fun times you just had outside when your friend is stuck inside campus for the next 1-2 weeks or so with their finals'

Admit it, there are many of you who would just shrug it off and say hey, I deserve some R&R after all that stress

but do your friend a favor... 

If you DO happen to go out and enjoy yourself, try to keep it on a down low and avoid telling every single little detail to that friend of yours who is already dying and craving for freedom while bullying their brains to absorb as much details as they can.

They are human too, and being inconsiderate can go very deep into someone else's impression about you...

Believe me,

It does....

Piece~

This is not helping....

It's not like I don't know anything....
It's not like I skipped out during my clinical postings...
I have enough attendance in theory classes cuz I don't skip...
So what seems to be the problem?
I can only guess it's just.... well... me....

Got up this morning to a pleasant surprise, it was a simple breakfast and I was somewhat happy and groggy from last night's lack of sleep... (yes, I slept at 3-ish am~)
My mind was still recovering from the rush of yesterday's paper and after that simple pleasant breakfast, my mind started to spiral downhill.
It got so bad, I just refused to even look at my notes or my books piled up at my side table.
I didn't even go down for lunch..
Well, technically I DID go down to the cafe, but I came back to the room barely 5 minutes later with 2 packets of chips and a packet of sunflower seeds for me to much on...
and that was after I swore to be quite frugal this month as I have been over spending it last month...
So lunch was 4 pieces of bread with 2 packets of chips and a cup of syrup water... (hey, gotta have my source of glucose...)

....

Come to think of it, it's been awhile since I just typed out my daily experience instead of being so abstract in my posts...
I mean, I had my reasons for them, but right now, I just need to type this out somewhere.
I can't bother those I care about, they have their own things to do.
I feel like I am such a disappointment and that things should just end... somewhat literally...
Being confined to the campus is cruel enough, and I can't even go sports for fear of being too tired to be able to study should suddenly a gush of motivation choose to breeze through my window (hopefully at any given moment now...)
I feel like flying home right now, but at the same time I don't...
So this is what torn between two worlds feel like..
They say having someone there for you will help, someone's shoulder to lean on...
I just feel like that is irresponsible, and thus I barely look for someone to confide in...
They have things to do too.... and if they are that important to me, all the more reason I wouldn't want to bother them with my problems.
Doesn't really make sense but yeah, I feel that way....

....

Come to think of it, I need new pictures.... pictures that I snapped myself, not randomly googled pictures that seem to be related to my post...
but now it just seems irrelevant...
I need to get my act together and know my priorities..

but that IS the problem, because it's not like I DON'T KNOW my priorities,
It's just that I have the motivations, insight and the drive to strive for it...

I don't know what to do right now...
I don't know how...
I just can't....



*sigh*

Mother's day~

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY~!

Everyday is mother's day, 

Just that they decided to make a special one day to remind us how important they are~

Take care of mummy,

For we are legends only because she was there for us~

Piece~

Choices in people

People tend to be close to those that matter to them, yesh that is a fact.
HOWEVER when they start to realize that they are just an option and that the said people can live without them, somewhere along the line they may start thinking," Am I even a priority? or just an option?"
Do understand that the word "option" here does not denote that there are multiple choices or selections to be chose from, no, definitely not.
In this context, one has to understand that being treated "like an option" signifies that the said person in question if not given the appreciation or gratitude due when one claims to threat another as a "priority"
Simple as that?

Googling up "priority definition" gave me the following...

A thing that is regarded as more important than another. The fact or condition of being regarded or treated as more important.

When does one feel or start to acknowledge that they are being treated as a priority?
Can the absence of other choices, causing all of one's attention to be diverted to the only single choice, be considered as treating it as a priority?
Is priority not something that one bestows upon something or another person, instead of becoming one when there are no other possible candidates?

One has to start thinking along those lines, or just end up being forever under the assumption that they are a PRIORITY when they are just in fact just  the ONLY OPTION left that is laid in front of them....
When a person comes to the conclusion that they are merely the only option left, and there were NOT in fact made into a priority as a choice, one may start thinking along the lines of being used, solely as the only option available at the time~

I have to say that such a conclusion hurts every time when one reaches such a conclusion after a long effort of being someone's PRIORITY.... For all that is worth, such people either should be MADE into a priority, or let go to another who DOES treat them like a priority.
For everyone deserves to be treated as one.

"Solely existing just to please another is a sad and lonely existence"
- Fai fai No-Reason

Piece~

Lifting up yourself in hard times~

"When the going get tough, the tough gets going" - Timon, The Lion King
What can I say?
That simple line sometimes still brings a small smile to my face.
But one has to acknowledge that somehow things will somehow get better.
It has never been about us not deserving happiness, everyone does, it's just that it is not time yet, or we're looking at the wrong places.
Or maybe it has been there all along, just that we don't really bother giving any attention to them and taking them for granted.... Simple as that...

Yesh that is true...
But not knowing what precious things you have around you and what actually makes you happy, you're most likely be kept in the dark not by the hard stuff around you, but by your very own self instead...

I can only hope this is a part of the journey, because from what I see, I have been neglected a bit too frequently..
I can see that just by being with me, many are being weighed down and tired out, too much expectations from me?
I can hear the disappointment and the vague resignation when you're with me, just playing along to seem like you're interested, but truth be told, there are times where I feel like a toddler being given candy to to be pacified and to behave myself....
I can talk and speak my mind about things, but if they are being heard of not is a totally different matter indeed.
I can feel that you couldn't care less about things that concern us, for if I don't reach out for you, I'll have to wait for what seems an eternity before you find me...

If doing something means you care, does not doing anything means I do NOT care?
Thus, I don't really have to DO things to SHOW that I CARE no?
If nothing is being done for me, and yet I blindly remain ignorant of such a fact,
I can only say that it must be blissful being the one NOT doing anything...

I'll wait....


I'll just wait.... and see if all is not for naught..

Piece~