Coping... barely....

Its been awhile since I blocked off myself from facebook like I have been doing recently, lol...

So I guess, I'll be doing my quotes here instead..

"When things look bleak, As dark as it is at night,

Reach out for the things you seek, Keep it within your sight"

-Fai fai No-Reason

I look around now and think.. Am I here?

*sigh* Trying to cope with things at the moment..

Too much to take in, all the stress, the expectation, goals in life, what to DO for the rest of my life.. Thinking it over and over while trying my able best to study for supplementary papers.

What did I do wrong?

I mean, there are others who seem not to do very well during classes, and yet they are on their way...

Its ok, since I learn that instead of being jealous or point fingers, I should just pat them on the back and say "Job well done!" and be on my way..

Its fine, for I have been told maybe this is not my life's calling, and I am needed somewhere else..

Its acceptable, for I have been constantly reminded that failures are bad, as long as they make me a better person..

Its not over, as I have been lectured by many people that there is still a way to get by this crisis, hang in there..

What can I do?

These thoughts and uncertainty just pop out constantly riddling my mind with irrelevant thoughts even when I ought to be thinking and concentrating on other things at the moment.

I have often wondered in the past how people are so fragile, why do they need hope to constantly pull them down the path of life, to keep on going.

Why do people fall into despair and depression even though there is so much more things to do in life, so much more things to see, learn, feel and above all, experience?

It is because they have looked into the abyss of despair for far too many times, or "fallen" into it for the worst part.

Even now when I hang nervously at the cliffs of the abyss, I cannot help but glimpse down and see all the broken dreams, hopes and spirits that have been crushed prior to me.

Envying those who manage to stay strong and having faith even at the darkest times..

What can I say?

Depression? That's just a phase

Losing hope and faith in people just made us be cautious and STILL we mingle with other human beings.

Sometimes, I think humans just crave companionship of others subconsciously, thus driving them to be close to their family, making friends in a sea of strangers, staying close to a group of friends that "click" and of course, finding the "special" someone to share one's entire life of hardship with..

Coping with things now is harder than I imagined.

Friends will be forever friends, only so much you can tell or expect them to understand.

Only so much trust you can instill into the relationship, and expect the other to do the same..

To all those who have put more faith and trust into the friendship I have with you, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

For even though I could not do the same, I managed to get a glimpse of it and see for myself how it would have felt if I would have done the same. Thank you~

Currently hanging on the rope, dangling from the cliffs of the abyss of despair, I realized something.

Why didn't I realize I was slipping down the slope towards the cliff?

I am inclined to let go of everything, my dreams and pride that I carry dutifully on my back at the moment down the abyss, to make my self "lighter" and climb back up onto safer grounds...

Fai fai No-Reason's weather forecast for tomorrow:

The storm is here and the wind stronger than ever.

My little umbrella which can barely withstand such winds kept safe by my side.

Letting myself being drenched by the rain, I look for shelter finding almost none in sight.

Piece~