What else can you do?

What else can you do?
There was a time when I was proud at the very fact that I was very self dependable, when I was a one man team where I can virtually survive by myself.
I can do almost anything alone.
I could run for kilometers almost every alternate day of the week.
I could study by myself (yes, I didn't get any great results, but I was able too scrape through most of my exams)
I could go eat anywhere by myself.
I could do all my chores myself.
I wouldn't have to worry about anyone else, life was great....

Then at the end of high school, a friend got sick and we lost her to cancer.
I stopped trying to be friendly to people.
I closed myself in.
After 2 years of just living my life aimlessly, I started striving again, trying to reach a long lost dream that died off when I was in school.
I tried reconnecting to people, but old habits die hard and I found myself drifting back to my old ways.
I went alone again.
Then, I met you...
Your words convinced me that life is not all bad, that there is such a thing called friends out there...
I started believing again~

I tried reconnecting with people, but I never really belonged to any particular group.. I sort of drifted from here to there, being very impartial and neutral...
Looking back, maybe it was my fault but hey, I would feel so much more of a cast off if I tried so hard and failed to enter one group, then trying to be on good terms with every group out there.
I started just being helpful and friendly to those I could...
Then later I found out that I was labelled flirty and to a certain extent, people thought I was just gay for my lack in interest in a relationship.
*shrugs* The things people say~

One day I though I had a lucky break, and felt like with you I would never be alone again.
but, as I type this, you are as distant as ever, and I continue to wait like I always have for the past 25 years of my life.
I used to, still do believe that everyone gets a finite amount of happiness every year or so, and I feared that I may have used all that time in the last 2 years.
Or maybe I was just being foolish and blind, for what the mind does not know, the eye does not see...


For now, I drift alone...
I don't know what holds in the future, but if this keeps up, maybe things will just fall apart as usual and I will be alone again once more...

Free to feel more for the longest of time,
Being happy and content apparently was a crime,
Keeping me in the dark after showing me the sun,
I'd rather be non-existent and acknowledged by none...

Piece~